Without intention of you ever reading this, I must tell you how I feel in a series of sentences that might stab you deeply or just scratch the surface of your hard exterior. In an effort to release a heaviness that has most recently found residence upon my shoulders. I hear you’re getting married. What an idea!
Its like I want to kill someone and I want to die and I want to run as far and as fast as I could because now you are never coming back, as if you had fallen off the face of the earth. It’s a heaviness that I can’t ever escape, I know this for sure. It crushes down on me, converting even the smallest things into a can of worms.
I just wanted to say goodbye and I always knew that it would be like jumping off a pinnacle. But you don’t have to worry about my troubles any more because once I am in the air there would be nothing but to let go.
Unable to measure the intensity, my feelings for you are now inexorable. The more I try to forget, the stronger it becomes. I am totally overwhelmed by this unwitting fallacy. Now that the idea of getting over is proved futile, the only alternative is to comply with it.
I know exactly where these feelings would take, and the innumerable hardships that I would have to pass by. I know it’s not an easy way, yet its not impossible.My reach is beyond the pinnacle of endurance even further and beyond since my wings get stronger day by day.
Perhaps the most regrettable facet is my unawareness of your philosophy regarding me. I wish I could know how you feel and think about me. I had always intended to talk you not like those teenagers in our generation,but in a completely different way where my ultimate respect for you worship your very existence and nothing goes beyond our LORD’s commandment. Not more than two minutes. That’s it.That’s all I wanted.
With all the courtesy I could summon, I request you once again to please talk to me. Nothing related to my feelings. But this time for the last time. I wont talk much. I just want to meet you, one last time.
Its over now.
This force is fading away. And I’m not sad about it. May be this ignorance of mine is unacceptable, but i don’t care. I don’t care what will the society call me. I don’t care if any of my friends criticize, or be it any of her friend.
Albiet, I’d never foreseen it yet I’ve somehow accepted it. I hope that it turns out to be good for my life ahead.
I know that this fact will be a major theme in my life’s history because now its impossible to hide. Whatever, it’s now over. Yes it is.
I miss you. Immensly. I dont know why, but I honestly do. It wont make any difference to you, but still this longliness is killing me. I’ve tried every single method to talk you, to meet you, to make you realize my feelings but all in futile. I know that if you meet me only for once, you’d understand my situation, and you’d fall for me the way I have. Please let me just for once.
What’s my fault? In all this circumstances. They don’t belong to me, and by now I know that neither is she. Was it all just to make me know this? Yes I’ve started believing that she can never be mine. Never. You always wanted this to happen, so here it is. I’ve written it. Read it. Again. Satisfied? Not yet? What else do you want? Should I stop thinking? Should I stop loving? Just on the basis that she can never be mine. If you want this than listen-I can not stop loving her, no it’s impossible because I never started. It wasn’t in my hands. I never encrypted it, I cant decrypt it. I never started – I can’t stop! It’s in your hands. Totally in yours. Why then do you not end this. You’ve got every power to do. No one can stop you.
Tell me why you did it? I want answer. But no, you’ll never reply me. Who I am after all to be replied. I am nothing just a football, thrown all over ground.
I hope you are fine and enjoying your life. Your university, parents and all family members are living a good life and that you have maintained a good relation with all of them. If not, than make sure that you do achieve it soon, especially with your parents.
I know that you’ll never read this, but that doesn’t mean that I stop writing because I believe that I love you and that this love will never fade. Not even when at the end of this World I came to know that you’ve never saw this letter. I believe that I’ve enough mercy in me to accommodate. And If I don’t than I ask my Lord to provide me with such mercy. After all He had also written a book for us which we never read but He always forgives us.
I’ve loved you with all my heart and with all my soul, and I’ve written this with all the feelings that I could summon. Its my confession and I’ll confess it every second until my death. You are the best thing that have ever happened to me. You are everything for me. If I am here, than just for you. To take care of you. To provide hapiness to you. To protect you. To love you.
I know I’m not with you and perhaps I can never be with you so please take care. Live wisely and happily always. Seek help from your Lord in every difficulty. And always be patient. Thats all what I wanted to say.
￼Is it necessary to repay for my voluntary act? Am I forcing you? Please tell me if I am. I’m naive in this situation. I’m doing whatever I feel compelled to. Despite all my efforts this selfish feeling is uncontrollable.
I bet that you’d be sorry too when you realize that you too are being selfish by caring about the feelings that you have only and ignoring that of others.
What should we do than? Should we remain selfish? Or should we stop being selfish? But how are we going to decide this? Even if we decide, how will we know if we took the right decision? Should we ask someone? But whom. Parents? But are they ethical? Who is the most ethical than?
Or should we really care if our decision comply with ethics. But again, not caring means selfishness.
Perhaps we should search for someone who is the most ethical and then we will ask Him. Tell me, will u search with me? If not, than I’ll not do it alone. Cuz its the answer we both want.